March 25, 2005
Hello, my friends,
I need to let you all know that after careful consideration we are cancelling our shows this April.
Ever since I went to the doctor on Friday, every friend and family member who knew about my appointment has called me and asked. I've told the story so many times. Maybe that's why I feel accepting or at least resigned to the less than great news I received. But something kept me from writing to you all right away. I guess that was partly the fact that I was carrying around my sweet William while simultaneously playing ballerina cards with Amelia. Not much room for a computer keyboard in my weekend.
So here I sit. William is still asleep with his Daddy who was up til at least 3am mixing a record. Amelia is watching a new version of Peter Pan starring Cathy Rigby that we got out of Blockbuster yesterday. I don't think it is quite as good as the Mary Martin version and I am quite sure
that Cathy Rigby is lip-synching. She doesn't sound ANY different when she is walking around on her hands, upside down. hmmm... Maybe I could try that.
Am I stalling? Well, my doctor had put me on a 6 day dose of steroids during which time I had been silent (see blog for further details.) The polyp shrank a little and the nodule-like reaction on the healthy cord seemed to have disappeared, but the polyp is still quite large and I am still hoarse. I asked the doctor if the hoarseness could be primarily attributable to the acid reflux. She said the reflux could only partially explain the hoarseness and that she thinks the polyp is the primary culprit.
We talked about whether I should do the shows in April. As you may have noticed, we don't have shows in May because Nerissa is getting married and going on her honeymoon and doing a book tour on the west coast. My doctor felt that the next two months could be just what I need to shrink the polyp
back to where it doesn't bother me. She said that she cannot guarantee a full recovery in that time. She said that surgery was still a possibility, but she was encouraged by the fact that my body has a history of absorbing the polyp enough so that I am not bothered by it. She also said that my throat would be recovered from the acid reflux damage by then.
I am going to be doing some vocal therapy with a speech pathologist in Northampton. My doctor said that if I were to have surgery that the work I do now will cut down the recovery time post surgery. So this is not wasted time. I am also going to try cranio-sacral therapy which many of you recommended. I went for my first session last week and I seemed to feel less hoarse– at least that day.
I miss singing more than you can imagine. A few months ago, inspired by a songbasket at Amelia's school, we made a song suitcase. It is filled with little toys each of which represents a different song. There is a plastic carrot for the Garden Song, a little horse for All the Pretty Little Horses,
an angel pin for Amelia's favorite Christmas carol– Angels We Have Heard On High, and lots of others. She asks me all the time to sing her one of the songs. I can't wait to sing for her. I can't wait to sing for you all too. I am feeling patient about it, and also quite hopeful. I have pictures of my vocal cords from the nineties when this first happened. It really did go away. I really could sing once it had shrunk. I will be doing everything I can to heal including trying to not worry too much. Anxiety can't be good for me.
I am so grateful to all of you for your kind wishes and for YOUR patience. I will continue to keep posting blogs.
I am sorry for this hiatus.
Thank you all for your understanding.
Katryna
Dear everyone,
I don't know anyone braver and better than my sister, Katryna. She is handling this situation with her polyp far better than I am, far better than I could if it were on my voice and better than I am handling it now when it's on HER voice. Her patience is extraordinary and inspiring. I am grateful to have her for a teacher.
Because I hate a span of unscheduled time, I am filling up April with plots and plans of my own. I don't want to use this space to tell you about things that don't have to do with music, but if you are interested, I have 2 web pages with tons o'info: www.lifecomposition.com, and www.nerissanields.com. I am starting to do writing workshops in a teleconference fashion, and I have three in the works: one regular writing
one; a new session of Journal For Peace; and finally, my own version of NaNoWriMo where eight of us will write a novel (or, rather, eight novels) in a ten week class.
Also, Amelia and I are doing a lot of ballet with occasional tap dancing, and William is losing his hair and has the most beautiful smile I have ever seen.
I will miss seeing you all at the gigs. Unlike you, I will not be deprived of my beautiful sister's presence, but we will both try to keep in touch via our blog to let you know how silence and rest are going. And of course, we look forward to the day when we can sing with you again.
Happy spring!
Love, Nerissa
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